Dear Amy: I'm a female elementary school teacher, age 59, and I have a real problem with how the parents of my students dress. I dress very modestly, but I don't think I'm a prude.
Although this has always made me feel uncomfortable, the past several years have been the worst. I'm talking about mothers who come to their parent conference dressed as if they're going to a nightclub!
I find it offensive to have to view their half-exposed breasts.
Would it be appropriate to write a general note, asking parents to dress discreetly for the conference?
-- Pat
Dear Pat: I'm giving your plan a C-, though you might want to run this idea past your school administrator.
Parents should show you the utmost respect when they attend a teacher conference, but you shouldn't pay too much attention to how they dress. As a teacher, you know that the most important thing is not how people look, but how they behave.
Are these parents listening to you attentively? Are they asking questions and showing a willingness to be active partners in their child's education? If they are, then their cleavage issues should be immaterial.
Mainly, this is a matter of taste, and sometimes you just have to remember that, just as Jennifer Lopez's barely there Versace look now seems "very 1999," fashion fads tend to change.
Pull your cardigan close, and be patient.
Dear Amy: I would like to respond to your answer to the 15-year-old girl whose friend was sexually active, and she wondered whether she should tell the girl's mother, who she said was also a friend.
I am a mother of a 15-year-old daughter, and I know many of her friends very well, but I don't consider them my "friends."
I would feel very uncomfortable having them tell me my daughter was sexually active. Instead, I would hope that her friends would encourage her to tell me herself, or offer to support her in telling me.
My daughter and I have always talked about anything, even though I realize her friends will probably know first!
-- Proud Mom
Dear Proud: Your advice is great, but I didn't think it would work with this particular trio, mainly because the mother seemed like a bit of a teenager herself.
I agree that it's best for friends to urge one another to be honest and handle their problems themselves, while friends be supportive.
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