Dog named for her daughter

Published online on Saturday, Aug. 15, 2009

Dear Amy: I am upset because my 8-year-old nephew ("Jamie") named his new puppy after my daughter, "Alice."

This puppy will become a part of their family, so for the next 10 to 15 years, I will have to listen to them talk about Alice the dog. When I brought it up to my brother, he responded very defensively that my nephew picked the name, so he couldn't make him change it.

Further, he said it's a compliment because Jamie is an only child and wishes he had a sister like Alice. I'm trying not to be upset, but it really bothers me. I can't help but think that if I had a dog and named it Jamie, they would be very upset.

I really wish they'd change the name right now before the puppy gets too old.

My daughter thinks it's strange, but she doesn't seem too upset.

She just wonders why her beloved uncle doesn't tell Jamie that he needs to pick a different name.

My brother reads your column. What do you think? Do I have a right to be upset?

-- Karen in Baltimore

Dear Karen: You don't need me to decide whether you have a right to be upset. You are, and that should be enough for your brother. Even if he thinks you are being silly, he should say to his son, "Jamie, I understand that you want to call the puppy Alice, but Aunt Karen doesn't like it because that's your cousin's name. Let's choose another name."

A thoughtful parent demonstrates to his child that people's feelings matter, that people have sensitivities that should be respected.

Your nephew's reasons for choosing this name are sweet, and you should tell him that you really appreciate his idea but that it makes you uncomfortable.

If none of the above happens, you should suck it up and figure out a way to laugh about this because, really, you are being silly.

Dear Amy: Your response to "Divorced but Happy" indicates that you believe it to be a universal and undeniable truth that all people who have an affair and get a divorce are self-centered and cowardly, and all children are scarred by the experience.

I strongly disagree.

My husband and I have been there, and we are neither self-centered nor cowardly. Our children have prospered partly because of our divorces.

We were in loveless marriages when we divorced our spouses after an affair.

Until we got together, we thought a loving relationship was impossible and divorce unacceptable because of the children.

During the 13 years that we have been together, our love for each other has created an environment beneficial to our children.

I'm sure our ex-spouses would agree with you, but we do not.

-- Remarried and Happy

Dear Remarried: I'm all for happy remarriages. Divorce happens, and how parents manage their divorces matters greatly, as you know.

I've never said that all children are scarred by divorce, but that all children are affected by divorce.

But adultery? You'll never convince me that adultery is somehow a good thing -- or that it doesn't matter.