Dear Amy: Recently I lost a member of my extended family. In lieu of flowers, we requested charitable donations to that family member's favorite charity.
A family friend sent a note that she was sending a contribution to her favorite charity in the name of the deceased.
Although I am grateful and appreciative of the gesture, part of me is wondering why she couldn't simply send $5 to the specified charity in honor of the deceased.
Am I being petty?
By the way, this is the second occasion in which she has disregarded our choice (albeit a completely different charity this time) and elected her favorite charity again.
-- Puzzled
Dear Puzzled: I can imagine someone declining to contribute to a charity that had a political or philosophical agenda she opposed on principle, but otherwise, her choice to contribute to her own favorite charity seems as if she is marking this occasion by giving herself a bonus.
OK, that's an exaggeration, but giving your pet cause a boost and yourself a tax deduction doesn't seem like an appropriate way to celebrate someone else's life -- and expressions of sympathy are supposed to honor and remember the deceased.
All the same, she did make a gesture on your relative's behalf, and your gratitude -- even if it is a little forced -- is appropriate.
Dear Amy: In response to brides and grooms who "have to have" younger children in their wedding party, they should know what they are getting into.
When my daughter was 2 1/2, she was the flower girl for my brother's wedding and his 3-year-old son was the ring bearer.
I tried to explain to my brother and his bride that they would be better off having someone older, but they felt my daughter would be fine with her cousin.
Well, she did not want to walk down the aisle, and I had to walk with her and then eventually pick her up to get her down the aisle.
As soon as we got to the reception, however, the beautiful little girl was the hit of the party with her and her cousin and everyone else dancing with them. It was a festive ending that the bride and groom were fine with.
-- Linda in Maryland
Dear Linda: I agree that when you ask a toddler to perform a complicated task, you have to keep your expectations very much in check.
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