Enter the Warzone, eternally on the clock.
** Second-round pick Derek Carr will start out as the Raiders' third-string quarterback.
Welcome to the NFL, rookie.
** Carr won't be third-string for long, but there's no rush to play him this season unless something befalls Matt Schaub.
Considering the Raiders start Denarius Moore and Rod Streater at receiver, that's all fine and dandy.
** We'll be seeing lots of Carr jerseys on the backs of Raiders fans up and down the Valley, to be certain.
But the number of conversions will be far less than if Carr had been drafted by another team.
The Raiders are kind of polarizing like that.
** Schaub replaced David Carr in Houston seven years ago, and now Derek Carr will be trying to displace Schaub.
That's either irony or coincidence, depending on how many literature classes you took in college.
** Davante Adams landed in an even better situation: catching passes from Aaron Rodgers in a West Coast offense.
If there's such a thing as wide receiver heaven, that might be it.
** One day after the Browns drafted Johnny Manziel, news broke that top receiver Josh Gordon is facing a one-year suspension.
Further illustrating how sports excitement evaporates in Cleveland faster than anyplace else.
** The Cowboys and Manziel seemed like a perfect match, though Johnny Football said he wasn't sure if the world "could've handled it."
Bangladesh and Madagascar beg to differ.
** The Los Angeles Rams of the 1960s had the Fearsome Foursome, and so, too, do the St. Louis Rams of the 2010s.
Which may be a sign it's time to move back.
** Sports Illustrated NFL guru Peter King does a great job illustrating how 49ers general manager Trent Baalke, through wheeling and dealing, in effect traded Alex Smith for five players who could all be significant contributors.
That's how winning franchises stay on top.
** What's the difference between Mel Kiper and many California black bears?
Mel Kiper goes into hibernation.
** The Giants took three of four games at Dodger Stadium and began the week tied for the National League's best record.
Neither of which means a whole lot in mid-May, but it's better than a kick to the shin with a steel-toed boot.
** The Dodgers are underachieving at 20-19, which sounds bad until you consider they were 17-22 at this point last season.
With that pitching staff, first place is never more than a hot streak away.
** Except for Thunder-Clippers, the second round of the NBA playoffs hasn't been nearly as entertaining as the first.
Hope this isn't a trend ...
** Pacers center Roy Hibbert has been dreadful except in games following fishing trips with Paul George and when he's catching heat from a heckler.
So, basically, Hibbert either needs a bass or an ass.
** Donald Sterling does not believe he's a racist. Which places him in quite a large subset of racists.
** Terrific finish-line atmosphere in Sacramento for the first stage of the Amgen Tour of California.
Cycling is always better without the babbling British TV commentary.
** For no particular reason: James Jett.
** Saturday's boxing card at Selland Arena is the first since April 2003, when Floyd Mayweather defended his WBO lightweight title.
It was so long ago that Mayweather wasn't even "Money." He was still "Pretty Boy."
** Unlike Mayweather, Jose Ramirez has no plans to have a teen pop singer like Justin Bieber accompany him to the ring.
Maybe next time, Ryan Beatty.
The Warzone reaches for the high notes every Tuesday, or by request at (559) 441-6218, firstname.lastname@example.org or @MarekTheBee on Twitter.