Ask Amy: Wonderful, unattractive friend finds love elusive

May 7, 2014 

Dear Amy: My husband's best friend from work, "Billy," is an amazing man. He speaks several languages, has traveled the world and does a million other things. He's also friendly, confident, funny, easy to talk to, nicely groomed and well-dressed, and is a warm, generous guy.

We love him to death, but he can't get a date. The problem is, he's just physically unattractive. It's not any one feature; it's just sort of everything. He's definitely on the low end of homely. He is also short.

I've introduced him to every single woman I know. They like his personality and all agree that he's a wonderful guy, but none of them can get past his looks.

I know he's tried every avenue he can think of. Online is the worst. He's had hundreds of women abruptly cut off communication as soon as they see a picture. If he posts a picture at the outset, no one will respond at all.

My husband and I have both run out of ideas for this poor man. I know he's terribly lonely, and it eats at him to be constantly rejected. I think that it doesn't help that he wants to have children.

He's 44. Is there any hope for him?

— Sympathetic

Dear Sympathetic: "Billy" might be looking for love in all the wrong places. Yes, he has looked everywhere he, you (or I) can imagine, but has he volunteered to be an after-school tutor (or coach) at the local Boys and Girls Club? Has he looked into being a foster father or a Big Brother? Would he like to try to adopt a child?

What I'm getting at is if this wonderful guy would be a great dad, maybe he should cut out the middleman and turn his search toward sharing his life with a child who will value attention, love and companionship as much as he does. Being a single man is no longer the impediment to fatherhood that it once was. As his biggest fan, maybe you should engage him in a conversation that could ultimately change his life. Start like this: "Billy, have you ever considered becoming a dad? If you're interested, we'd love to help."

Dear Amy: "Manager" wondered about the awkwardness of choosing not to hire a former associate who did not interview well with a group of co-workers the manager had assembled. You wrote, "I think it is somewhat unusual to be interviewed by potential co-workers."

Actually, it is pretty common, especially in tech fields, to have co-workers interview potential hires.

— Manager too

Dear Manager: Scores of readers corrected me on this. Thank you all.


You can contact Amy Dickinson via email at, follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.

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