Ask Amy: Workplace romance is too much, too fast

May 5, 2014 

Dear Amy: I met "Cindy" at my workplace about a month ago. I am in my 40s, and she is 36. She has three daughters who live with her; I have met them briefly. Her oldest is 18.

Her husband left, and she blames herself. She has had two serious relationships in the last 12 years.

I asked her what she wants in life. She says she is lonely and wants a guy she can marry.

We have slept together twice. We have lunch together Monday-Friday. We tell each other we love each other and want to have "our" worlds together. I have been honest with her that I live with my ex-girlfriend. My ex and I live as roommates.

I sent Cindy a text asking if I moved out of my house, could I come live with her and her girls? And she responded that it would be awesome.

She says she wants to try to have a future with me. I call and text her all the time, but over the weekends she doesn't answer.

Now I do not know what to do. I am confused, hurt, frustrated and lonely without her.

I know I love her and want a future with her. I tell her I just want love, honesty, respect and communication. Can she just not commit, or is she scared? What do I do now?

— Lonely and confused

Dear Lonely: Stand down, Romeo. You are coming on very strong, very quickly.

You have no business asking someone you have known for a month if you can move in with her and her daughters. No good mom would even consider this, and even though she told you this would be "awesome," your aggression might be freaking her out. Because you work together, this whole relationship has the potential to damage both of you professionally as well as personally, unless you slow down. If you are seriously interested in communication, you will have to translate your intense interest into listening rather than talking.

Dear Amy: "Happy but Worried" was a grandmother who had two daughters: one infertile and the other newly pregnant.

I am the youngest of four sisters. I had to do IVF to get pregnant. I had a daughter. Then my sister found out she had no more eggs, so I donated eggs for her and her husband. They had a beautiful daughter. After that I had many miscarriages, and the sister I gave the egg to offered to carry a pregnancy for me.

My sister gave birth to my twin girls, who will be 17 in July.

Maybe this sister would be open to being a surrogate.

— Thankful sister

Dear Thankful: Great idea!


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