Ask Amy: Boyfriend doesn't need to ditch pickup

April 23, 2014 

Dear Amy: I need advice on setting boundaries during the "exploratory" phase of a relationship. We are both in our 60s and have been seeing each other exclusively for six months. We live three hours apart, so we don't have the luxury of casual or spontaneous dates.

Our visits are usually two to four days in duration. That intensity of being together brings a host of problems, especially this one: When is the proper time for discussing disposing of property that were part of a previous marriage?

She thinks I should dispose of my three vehicles.

My three children are very attached to my 1984 pickup that has been the source of many fantastic family memories.

Most controversial is a beautiful set of gold cuff links and studs given to me by my second wife 20 years ago. I wore them to a formal event with her, and she had a complete meltdown when she learned their origin.

I haven't asked her to get rid of her things, nor am I likely to.

I feel my boundaries are getting trampled, and so does my counselor.

— Bewildered in Va.

Dear Bewildered: The guidelines about disposing of property from your own life when you are in your 60s and in a new "exploratory" relationship are as follows:

There are none. Because it's stupid.

Your female friend seriously wants you to get rid of your automobiles?

You should clear your house of fun photos showing you romping with previous partners. Otherwise, for now, she's going to have to deal. With your life. As is.

Dear Amy: My boyfriend and I have been in a good relationship for five years. We have had our ups and downs but are a strong unit.

Lately, I have been seeing old friends getting married and having babies, and I'm starting to wonder when it will be my turn. The problem is my boyfriend still wants to experience life. How do I tell him that I am ready to move on and grow up in life without scaring him away?

— Growing up

Dear Growing: Finding a partner, a steady job and home, and building a life together is "experiencing life," but if your boyfriend doesn't see this, then he definitely isn't ready to experience life as you want to live it.

You both need to be brave enough to tell the truth to each other. He may have his own life plan that involves all of the things you want — but further down the road.


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