Ask Amy: Nocturnal admission keeps guy guessing

April 14, 2014 

Dear Amy: My roommates and I have breakfast together on the weekends. Your columns keep us entertained. We play "amateur psychologist" and come up with our own answers before reading yours. Now I have a dilemma to share with you.

A very casual acquaintance of mine, "Patricia," randomly sent me the following message at 2:15 a.m. recently:

"This is completely inappropriate, but what the h—l. I enjoy analyzing and talking about dreams. In my dreams, I have sex with a whole slew of random people."

(Readers, Amy here. I am officially redacting the middle portion of this message.)

"In my dreams, I've had nocturnal relations with you at least three times in the past year, including last night. We were in an old study on an English estate. It's like a hall pass to do anything without repercussions.

"No, I'm not hitting on you. This strange phenomenon just inspired me to say hi. Life is so enjoyably weird sometimes."

Amy, I am a single man and she is in a long-term relationship with a guy I know. How should I respond?

— X-rated dream object

Dear X-rated: Life is weird. And guess what makes it weird. People.

Your acquaintance starts her message to you by saying, "This is completely inappropriate, but what the h—l." Do you care about the appropriateness of this behavior? I think you do.

She also says she is not hitting on you. Do you believe her? I think you don't.

I find this creepy and stalkerish and agree with your basic bewilderment as you ponder what to do.

Not responding is an option, but she might take that as an invitation to further share her horrifying dream journal. If you don't want this contact, you should respond: "This is definitely not cool, and I don't enjoy or appreciate it." Then you should maintain total radio silence.

Dear Amy: This is for "Struggling Through Grief."

When my young son died, I went to a grief counselor. She told me she was going to help me "get through it." She said, "You will never get over it, but gradually the pain will subside."

Some events will be difficult (birthday, holidays and other memorable family times) but you cannot use a calendar date because change happens gradually.

— Mom with experience

Dear Mom: How wise. Thank you.


You can contact Amy Dickinson via email at, follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.

The Fresno Bee is pleased to provide this opportunity to share information, experiences and observations about what's in the news. Some of the comments may be reprinted elsewhere in the site or in the newspaper. We encourage lively, open debate on the issues of the day, and ask that you refrain from profanity, hate speech, personal comments and remarks that are off point. Thank you for taking the time to offer your thoughts.

Commenting FAQs | Terms of Service