Ask Amy: Guy texts his way into a faux-mance

FresnoFebruary 21, 2014 

Dear Amy: I met a girl on eHarmony, and we really hit it off. Over the past three weeks, we have talked for only an hour total on the phone but have sent over 500 texts back and forth. Now the texts are becoming distant. What started out as "Good night, sweet dreams, thinking of you," is now just, "Night."

I've tried phoning her, but it goes to voice mail, so I leave a message and go on with my day.

We have tried to meet up, but she works two jobs, has two kids and lives 25 minutes away. I am happy to drive, but don't think it's fair to her kids to have some stranger come by and chat with their mother.

I am unsure of how to continue. Should I just skip texting until she initiates communication first?

I really like this girl, and I've told her that much. She's funny, smart, good looking and has a great sense of family values. I would like to have a relationship, but I'm not sure if stopping texting would imply, "Hey I'm not interested anymore" or "Hey, I'm tired of texting."

— Wanting More

Dear Wanting: Go for meeting in person. Otherwise, you can write yourself into a romance that isn't quite real.

Stop texting her. You don't need to explain yourself. She may respond by asking you where you went, in which case you can talk (or text) about it.

Dear Amy: I am tempted to try an "Aunt-ervention" with one of my nieces.

She has had tons of help from the family in various forms over the years. She has the skills to help a family member — sort of a payback but also an opportunity to step up and help out (as she has been helped) and thus carry on one of our better family traditions.

I'm not directly affected by her (mis)behaviors, but I'm experiencing apoplexy as I watch her make selfish mistakes I have made myself and other (new and original) mistakes all her own.


— Aunt-erventionist

Dear Aunt: You should write to your niece a version of this: "When I was a feckless young woman (as you are now), no one tried to guide me. I wish someone had, because I might have avoided years of ill will, damaged relationships and poor judgment. You are lucky to be loved by wonderful people, and now it is time for you to make your mark in the family by starting to contribute in your own special way. I believe in you and hope you choose this positive path."


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