Enter the Warzone, where sacred cows run scared.
** Fresno State is mounting a Twitter campaign to get President Obama to throw out the first pitch at Friday's softball game.
Hasn't he done enough underhanded things already?
** The President is a big college hoops fan who always fills out an NCAA bracket.
Which may explain why he's unfamiliar with Fresno State.
** Coming out as a homosexual three months before the NFL draft?
That takes more courage than anything on a football field.
** Michael Sam informed his Missouri teammates of his orientation before last season, and the Tigers went on win 12 games and play for the SEC title.
So much for the notion gay players are a negative force in the locker room.
** At some point, an athlete's orientation will no longer merit front-page coverage.
But we're not there. Still.
** There was some consternation last week because Fresno State signed only one high school football player from the Valley.
Time to look outside the provincial snow globe.
** Tim DeRuyter should be offering scholarships to all the top local prospects, but he can't make them stay home.
Nor should he be obligated to sign second-tier Valley players if can recruit better ones from outside the region.
** Did Bulldogs fans cheer less heartily for Davante Adams because he's from Palo Alto instead of Porterville?
No. So what's the issue?
** Fresno State would sell more $5 upper-level tickets for men's basketball games if people who called the Save Mart Center box office weren't told they don't exist.
Just saying ...
** The Web site for The Square at Campus Pointe claims the mixed-use development at Shaw and Chestnut is "a short walk from the San Joaquin River."
A short walk? Maybe if you're a camel. In summer, better bring two humps.
** Speaking of Campus Pointe, the "e" is pretty pointless.
** Pardini's will provide concession sales at Bulldog Stadium starting next season.
Bet Bulldogs fans gave that news a standing Ovation(s), so to speak.
** Jeff Orr, the Texas Tech fan who swore at Oklahoma State's Marcus Smart, is an air-traffic controller.
He just can't control his own mouth.
** Any adult who calls a college kid a "piece of crap" during a game probably matches that description.
Might be time for universities to actually enforce those "unsportsmanlike behavior will not be tolerated" announcements.
** Every four years, we tell ourselves to give the Winter Olympics a chance.
And every four years we do. For about 15 minutes. Until our remote finger can't help itself.
** Don't get us wrong. It takes incredible athletic ability to land a triple axel or a frontside 1080.
But any contest whose outcome is decided by judges is not a sport. Not by our definition anyway.
** Just don't sit so close to the TV. You might get pink eye from Bob Costas.
** For no particular reason: Torvill and Dean
** Makes perfect sense it took Great Britain 90 years to win a Winter Olympics medal on snow.
After all, it's a tropical island.
** What's the sweetest sentence ever written in English?
Gotta be either "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?" or "Pitchers and catchers report to spring training."
Yes, the Warzone can quote Shakespeare when he feels like it. Et tu also at (559) 441-6218, firstname.lastname@example.org or @MarekTheBee on Twitter.