Ask Amy: Friendship changes when best bud has girlfriend

February 10, 2014 

Dear Amy: I am a 21-year-old guy and best friends with an old buddy from high school. We used to be very close and talked about everything. We had lots of fun adventures.

He started dating a woman who was giving us a lot of headaches because she was sleeping with people in our group of friends and lying about it. He went full gusto into the relationship and ended up completely abandoning me.

I told myself to tough it out because I knew the girlfriend wouldn't last. Fast forward a few months. He apologized for tossing me to the curb and said it wouldn't happen again. We moved on. Recently though, we met a new woman, and I could tell there was a similar attraction.

This woman, however, was engaged. "Perfect," I thought, but three days later, she was suddenly no longer engaged, and my friend had a new girlfriend. This was a blow.

Now we only hang out when his girlfriend is busy. I don't want to wait around for this new relationship to end. My friend also becomes somewhat of a tool around her.

Is it fair for me to feel slightly insulted, and am I being reasonable in telling him to get his act together and balance the friendship?

— Frustrated

Dear Frustrated: Many people your age struggle to make a friendship transition. It's a challenge to be expected to automatically move to the back seat as main squeezes (and later spouses and kids) assume a central role in a friend's life.

However, this transition is more easily made when both parties honor the friendship and continue to make time for each other. This is achievable, except when one person is a tool and the other is feeling judgy and wounded.

Try to communicate with him about this. But rather than expecting anything radically different from him in the future, you should now assume that this friendship is now a friendshift.

Dear Amy: "Disabled and Distressed" faced the madness of a fellow parent always parking in the "handicap" spot at her child's day care.

Because the school wouldn't do anything, I agree that the police should be called. But please, do not call 911 over something like this — only the nonemergency number. Emergency workers have enough to do.

— First responder

Dear Responder: Absolutely. Thank you.


Contact Amy Dickinson via email at, follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.

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