Ask Amy: Long-haul truckers hit relationship pothole

FresnoFebruary 9, 2014 

Dear Amy: I need help with my "boyfriend."

We are both over-the-road truck drivers. I work the West Coast and he the East Coast, with minimal coast-to-coast runs.

We met at the truck yard I run out of. We got to talking, then dinner, then to … well, ummm, yeah. He seemed like a nice guy. I would consider moving toward a dating relationship in six or 12 months.

Well, the next day he wanted me to quit my job, jump on his truck and ride off into the sunset with him, which turned me off big time.

I told him that if he was all that interested in me, he shouldn't rely on one night. Three months later, we're still talking, but he still wants me on his truck and is trying to put deadlines on it.

My feelings haven't really changed that much: Friends, yes, dating/long-term relationship or working in close quarters, no.

I've wanted to tell him this without sounding like a jerk because he really is a nice guy, but he just gets pushy about wanting to be with me on such short notice.

Can you offer me some awesome advice?

— Left coast

Dear Left: First, a word of advice regarding your own behavior: When you "well, ummm, yeah" with someone after one conversation and one shared meal, you're playing relationship roulette.

There are times when two big rigs bumping in the night would be fine, fun — and a nice jump-start to your road warrior life. But then there are times when being intimate with someone so quickly is very unwise (if not outright dangerous).

Pressuring you to abandon your own career and ride off with him into the sunset after one encounter is behavior that may sound like romantic (to him), but it is needy, controlling and selfish.

Here's what you should say: "I like you, but I don't know you all that well. I will not ditch my rig in order to ride with you. I'm just not going to do that. If you can accept having a friendship with me, that would be great. If you can't, I understand."

Dear Amy: I'm responding to the letter from "Future Widow," who was worried about what to do for a service after her nonreligious husband died. I thought your recommendation to celebrate his life during his life was fantastic.

My family faced something similar. We had a tiny service and met afterward at Mom's favorite restaurant. We were so happy to see it brimming over with friends!

— Grateful

Dear Grateful: This sounds perfect.


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