Ask Amy: Boyfriend seems cozy with his so-called ex

February 1, 2014 

Dear Amy: I am in a relationship with a man who has a toddler with his so-called ex. They don't live together, but there are occasions when they get together and post pictures as though they're a family.

The ex tells people she's his girlfriend and that they're together.

He has said to me that he'll do anything to have a relationship with his child.

I don't think she knows he is in a relationship with someone else (because he's not telling her). I care about him, but I hate whatever this is. I would not say anything to her because of the child.

How do I resolve my feelings or how do I change my feelings so I can deal with this?

— Sometime Girlfriend

Dear Sometime:

Your boyfriend poses for pictures with his so-called ex and child "as though they're a family" because they are a family. This is a fact of their life, and it won't change.

As you describe this relationship, you (and his ex) are being kept in the dark regarding the nature of your respective relationships.

All you need to do is to ask your boyfriend to inject some clarity into this murky situation: "Are you and I together? Are we exclusive? Are you still in a romantic relationship with your ex? Have you told her that you are dating me?"

You should then make a choice in your own best interests. You can't necessarily change your feelings — but what you can do is weigh your options and find a way to cope with the fallout. If you act with integrity and honesty, the knowledge that you're doing the right thing will help to mitigate whatever bad feelings arise.

Dear Amy: I'm weighing in on the comments about an employer forcing employees to attend a "raunchy" movie as part of a work "team-building event." This constitutes sexual harassment and indicates a very sick workplace culture.

The young woman involved should either find another job or quietly collect evidence (and there must be plenty) and hire an attorney. I'm sure an attorney would be willing to go after this creep on a pro bono basis.

— Also Been There

Dear Been There:

I agree that this choice was the very opposite of "team building."


Contact Amy Dickinson via email at, follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.

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