Ask Amy: Unrequited love inspires and confuses

January 21, 2014 

Dear Amy: I am a guy in love with a lesbian, and I don't know what to do.

She is definitely a lesbian and has a girlfriend. I'm not trying to get her to fall in love with me because I know that can't happen. I can accept that, but I feel like I still need to tell her how I feel about her.

It's stressful to hide my feelings, and I worry that one day I'll blurt it out thoughtlessly (possibly in front of her girlfriend or someone else).

Also, I just want to be open and honest with her. We see each other daily and hang out after school. She's the best friend I've ever had. I'm shy and have never been as open before.

I'm afraid that if I tell her how I feel, we might lose our friendship.

I would hope that since we're so close that we could just talk it through and then move past it.

I also feel like it would be easier for me to move on and get over her if she knew, and I'm worried about breaking down and blurting it out if I don't tell her.

Should I tell her or not? And if so, how?

— Nervous

Dear Nervous: Given the circumstances, I would advise you not to disclose your intense feelings, but I know you will anyway, because love is like that — it is an irrational force making humans do all sorts of strange and wonderful things, like write poetry and take up the ukulele.

Understand that this disclosure puts your friend in a strange position. You cannot accurately gauge how she will respond. Make sure she understands that you don't want to undermine her or her relationship with her girlfriend, but that this is about you being authentic and honest with someone you care about.

I hope your friend responds with compassion. She may pull away because she is worried about leading you on, but ultimately your friendship can survive and grow — as long as you don't exert pressure and continue to respect her choices.

Dear Amy: The situation described by "Drowning in Baby Supplies" reminded me of ours when our children were babies. My in-laws overloaded them with toys and presents. Eventually my husband told his parents that the kids have too much and we boxed everything up and sent it to the cousins in Idaho. The gifts stopped.

I vote for occasional checks to help them out, a trip with them to the market and a college fund.

— No longer drowning

Dear No Longer: Great solution to material overabundance. Thank you.


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