Ask Amy: Engagement photo not good

FresnoJanuary 11, 2014 

Dear Amy: I recently got engaged. Our engagement was joyfully announced on his family's Christmas card and family newsletter. The pictures on the card included two professionally taken photos of his siblings and their families — very lovely.

The photo of us, however, is horrendous. It is a snapshot that his father took at a party; we are mid-laugh and a little sweaty. It's really garish and unflattering.

His dad has aired such photos of us (and others) before in Christmas cards and wedding slideshows seen by countless snickering observers.

I am appreciative of the love they have shown, and I know his father has no malicious intentions and is oblivious to the embarrassment caused, but my fiancé and I are pretty irritated this photo accompanies our engagement announcement.

My fiancé doesn't want to say anything because he thinks it's spilled milk, but I especially want to safeguard us from having a similar experience at our own wedding. What should I do?

— 10 pounds heavier

Dear 10 Pounds: Because this is a pattern (and doesn't involve only you), your fiancé should try to speak to his father: "Dad, we're so thrilled about our announcement. But come on, Dad, we think we look like orangutans. I'll email you two or three shots of us we like, if that would help."

Some people are so cuckoo-controlling at their weddings that they confiscate guests' cameras. Don't be those people. Please remember that your future father-in-law might be one of those guys who truly don't see the difference between Kate Middleton's wedding photo and a Polaroid of cousin Wendy from fat camp. Try to see this as something you will laugh about later. And then remember to laugh later.

Dear Amy: Like other readers, I did not think the situation described in the letter from "Sober" amounted to sexual assault. Pulling the police into such a minor fracas is very silly.

— Overreaction

Dear Overreaction: If someone described a drunken man pulling a woman by her hair, trying to drag her into a bedroom and kissing her against her will, I don't think there would be much debate about an assault. The fact that the aggressor in this case was a woman shouldn't make much difference.


You can contact Amy Dickinson via email at, follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.

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