Ask Amy: Her ties with her ex threaten her beaus

December 23, 2013 

Dear Amy: My ex-husband and I divorced two years ago, after 15 years of marriage. We have two teenagers. His divorce from his first wife was very acrimonious, and I watched my parents go through a brutal divorce years ago.

We both decided to put the kids first and treat each other with respect. We communicate almost daily on parenting issues and attend major events in our kids' lives together; whoever has the kids for birthdays and holidays invites the other parent to participate.

If we were childless we would have gone our separate ways, but we both value the other as a parent and want our kids to feel the family core is intact.

His girlfriend doesn't seem to have a problem with this, but the few guys I have dated have expressed concern that there must be something romantic going on.

I have told each of these guys at the beginning of the relationship that my ex and I are active co-parents, but it's not as if we have any physical interaction or private jokes when we get together.

We never meet alone, and our focus is entirely on the kids.

However, my dates seem to feel I must "want it both ways" and the relationship doesn't work out.

Am I just meeting turkeys, or do I need to distance myself from parental interaction with my ex so my dates are not so intimidated?

— Disheartened

Dear Disheartened: This is your life, and ideally you will find a partner who accepts the totality of your life — as is.

Your dates might not be turkeys — but they are making unfounded assumptions.

You need only ask yourself how you would feel if you became involved with someone who had a relationship with his ex-spouse as close as you have with yours.

If you'd be completely unthreatened by that kind of closeness between other former couples, then you're good.

There is someone out there for you, but you haven't met him yet.

Dear Readers: I hope every reader wakes up tomorrow to a better and more peaceful world, transformed through generosity and wishes granted, and that everyone will take the time to be a better and more attentive family member and neighbor.

I hope that every child wakes up tomorrow with a new book on the bed, along with a loving family member who will read it with him or her.

This is all I want for Christmas.


You can contact Amy Dickinson via email at, follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.

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