Ask Amy: Time for girlfriend to move on

FresnoDecember 1, 2013 

Dear Amy: I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year.

I have been in close contact with my best (male) friend for seven years, and my boyfriend has gotten jealous. Our relationship has been very bumpy. When we have time together, he insists on playing video games or watching a movie (which I don't mind), but we never talk. The only time we ever do anything outside the house is at his convenience.

I have been spending more time with my best friend. He and others who care about me are saying my boyfriend is not treating me right.

I agree with this, but any time I try to talk to him or try to work it out, he changes the subject or says, "Not now." I am starting to give up. Is that a good thing?

I have also been having feelings for my best friend. I've never felt this way about him before, and I don't know what to do. I care for my boyfriend and want him to be happy, but I would like to feel happy, too.

Any advice on what I should do? Is breaking up with him the right thing, or is there any other way to show him my cry for help?

— On the Fence

Dear Fence: Your account of your own relationship makes it sound so unsatisfying that I want to break up with both of you.

You say you've already cried for help. You were told to shed your tears elsewhere. Now it's time to act.

The thing you should not do is to develop a romantic attachment to your best friend, and then use this crush as a crutch to hobble straight out of one relationship and into another.

Make a clean break. Spend some time on your own. And determine to choose better the next time around.

Dear Amy: I just wanted to tell you that I appreciate your position on spousal agreement to allow one partner in a celibate marriage to seek sexual intimacy elsewhere.

It's honest and kind. I'm the widow of someone whose early-onset Alzheimer's put a premature end to our sexual relationship, and while I remained faithful, it was another terrifically sad loss to accept.

There are many scenarios in good marriages in which you have to ask yourself what is fair to all parties. Brava for speaking out.

— Widow

You can contact Amy Dickinson via email at, follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.

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