Ask Amy: Back off Facebook match

FresnoSeptember 28, 2013 

Dear Amy: A week ago I got "matched" with a guy over Facebook (through a friend). I was told that I'm his type, and he's definitely mine. We are both 19.

We have messaged each other over Facebook almost every day for a week. He only messages me once a day, and it's usually only a few lines, so our conversation hasn't expanded as quickly as I want it to.

In desperation I asked him for his phone number. He ignored the question but later on I gave him my number. He then replied, saying he didn't want to swap numbers until he knew me better, but if we don't talk, how can this happen?

I don't want to freak him out, but when is the best time to ask to meet him? Do you think I'm overreacting? Do I need to make a different move to get things going?

— Eager

Dear Eager: You are coming on way too strong. This guy is being honest with you, and you are responding by pouring on more pressure. Not smart.

He doesn't want to talk by phone, and you are now thinking about how to manipulate him into meeting you? Yikes.

You need to follow his lead and step away from Facebook long enough for him to wonder where you are. Read "He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys" by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo (Gallery, 2009), or watch the movie of the same name.

Dear Amy: I'm responding to the letter from "Female Football Fan," about the "pond scum" who was part of their tailgating group. As a psychotherapist, I have learned that one of the signs of a man's true maturity is that he has learned to "tame his 'junk,'" to put it somewhat indelicately.

From the fact that this fellow sent an email to his tailgating friends regarding his testosterone and his marital unfaithfulness, I would say that he doesn't rate even a passable score on the maturity scale. His wife should be happy to be rid of a husband with the psychological age of 15.

I hope that she is able to realize his problem is no reflection on her.

— Shaking my head in L.A.

Dear Shaking my Head: This man was definitely "acting out." Perhaps his elevated testosterone level caused him to strut about his reprehensible behavior in such an obnoxious way.


You can contact Amy Dickinson via email at, follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.

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