Enter the Warzone, the voice of reason since never ever.
-- Fresno State coach Tim DeRuyter answered questions from the media for nearly 30 minutes Monday, and the letters "B" "C" and "S" never passed through his lips.
Doesn't Coach understand fans need to book now for the best deals on Phoenix vacation packages for New Year's?
-- With a gun pointed at our head (not suggesting that people), we'd say the Bulldogs lose a game, or two, along the way.
Let's see what happens, but two one-point wins at home leave us a few stops short of Entirely Convinced.
-- Does Fresno State have the resources to mount a huge Heisman Trophy campaign for Derek Carr?
Does any college football player in the country deserve one more?
-- Saw where Siri, that annoying female voice that lives inside iPhones, says Fresno State is her favorite team.
Proving you don't actually need legs to be a bandwagon jumper.
- The Bulldogs are headed to Hawaii this week, which means two things:
Don't leave a mess on the airplane, or count on the police escort being punctual.
-- What's the most obvious sign a college football team needs improvement on kick coverage?
When the best tackle is made by the freshman kicker.
-- Whether the 49ers should've let Aldon Smith played Sunday against the Colts is a question best left to moralists.
The main concern should be why the 49ers offense ran into a tree.
-- Those lovable perpetual underdogs, the Oakland A's, clinched their second straight division crown and might be the best team in the American League.
Meaning they better get that sewage problem fixed, or else Ken Rosenthal is gonna need a mask and galoshes.
-- Memo to A's owner Lew Wolff: Just shut up.
-- Wyoming's athletic department reported $30,476,152 in total expenses and $30,476,152 in total revenues to the Department of Education in 2011-12.
To the dollar? A Mob accountant wouldn't cook the books that blatantly.
-- Saturday's memorial for Shane Krogen at Woodward Park drew hundreds of friends and trail crew volunteers along with dozens of game wardens, forest rangers, law enforcement and military.
Amazing how many lives one man can touch.
-- For no particular reason: Juan Bautista
-- Marvin Meyers, the primary donor behind Fresno State's new sports medicine center, is our kind of guy.
To the ribbon-cutting ceremony, Meyers wore blue jeans and mud-spattered shoes. Then we found out he used to work as a backcountry ranger.
-- During his speech, Meyers said he and athletic director Thomas Boeh went to tour Boise State's sports medicine center, but "they refused to let us in."
Little did they know the person working the door was a relative of Chris Petersen.
The Warzone won't be going to Hawaii, but you can still buy him an umbrella drink at (559) 441-6218, email@example.com or @MarekTheBee on Twitter.