Ask Amy: Affair with trainer taxes relationship fitness

FresnoSeptember 23, 2013 

Dear Amy: Nine months ago I ended an abusive and destructive relationship. For the past six months I have been in a happy relationship.

In my previous destructive relationship, I ended up cheating on my boyfriend. This was a horrible mistake but also a way for me to finally find a way out of the relationship.

I make no excuses for my actions. The person I cheated with is my personal trainer, who was (and still is) dating someone else.

I have no feelings for this person, but I continue training with him, even though he sometimes makes comments (which I don't appreciate) that allude to our past mistake.

I feel this isn't fair to my current boyfriend. If he knew my past with my trainer, he would be upset. However, it seems silly to get a new trainer. I have worked with this person for a year and he helped me lose so much weight. Should I get rid of him because of a stupid mistake?

I want to do what is best for my relationship.

— Unsure

Dear Unsure: If you want to honor your current relationship to the extent that you grant yourself — and him — an unfettered fresh start, then yes, you should change trainers.

However, the most important reason to change trainers is that this one sounds like he is indiscreet and inappropriate, at least some of the time.

Your weight loss and fitness success should not be contingent on you working with this individual; the person responsible for your health and fitness is you.

Also, get tested for STDs (the trainer should, too).

Dear Amy: I disagree with your response to the letter from "Missing a Link." This woman decided to contact her biological father, who had no interest in having a relationship with her. She now wanted to contact her half-siblings.

You should have told her to leave well enough alone. It is selfish to interfere in other people's lives just to satisfy your own needs and ego.

— Having my say

Dear Having: This letter writer was determined to try to make connections regardless of the impact on others. I suggested she should tread lightly, and I hope she does.


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