Mother discourages student's love plans

FresnoAugust 16, 2013 

Dear Amy: I am currently a university student. When the program I am enrolled in ends, I am thinking about moving out of the country to live with my boyfriend. He and I have been friends for a long time and recently started dating. I am positive that he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, and he has told me he feels the same.

However, my mother refuses to let me go. She doesn't want me to be with him. She won't let me travel to his home to get to know him better. She keeps telling me all the negatives about being with him instead of listening to how I feel and what I want for my future.

He is a wonderful guy, and he treats me incredibly well. I don't understand why she's being so closed-minded.

I know she is trying to protect me, but she is making me miserable. I don't know what to do. Please help.

— Overly protected daughter

Dear Daughter: I don't even know you, and I'm tempted to hide your car keys. Why? Because you sound young and naive. You just started dating this guy and yet you say you want to spend your life with him. You want to move with him to another country the minute you finish school.

If I was your mother, I would tell you, "If you and your boyfriend want to know each other better, he can come here, introduce himself to us, and pay a nice long visit."

You might get further with your mother if you present her with a plan; this should include ideas about how you will support yourself. In the meantime, you can look forward to the day when you are old (and/or mature) enough not to require your mother's permission to do what you want.

Dear Amy: "Worried Wife" suspected her husband was gay. With little evidence to go on, she could be wrong.

She could also be right. I could have written her letter. After many years of marriage, I finally confronted my husband, and he told me he was gay. I hope Worried takes your advice and finds ways to support herself. I am proud that I was able to live independently after my marriage ended.

— Straight spouse

Dear Spouse: The Straight Spouse Network offers support to people married to gay spouses: straightspouse.org.

 

Send questions to askamy@tribune.com or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.

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