Ask Amy: Birth control and kids must become a priority

FresnoAugust 12, 2013 

Dear Amy: I'm a 22-year-old male. I've been with my woman for four years. We have a 2-year-old daughter and are expecting another child soon.

Three years ago I was unfaithful. She found out. Ever since, the trust has been lost. Over the years we have gotten better, but then we slumped into a bad spot.

I have not been happy in this relationship for a long while, and recently she saw I was texting a new female friend of mine. She thinks I've been flirting/cheating on her even though there's no proof of this.

She said "we need a break," and she is staying at her mom's house. Since she's been gone I've felt happier. I find it easier to talk to my new female friend about random things, important things (even personal), than my own girl!

I almost feel like breaking up would be best. I don't even feel sad or upset that all of this has happened.

Am I thinking wrong? I'm worried about my kids, but I don't believe people should stay together for the kids because kids can see unhappiness in a household, the way I did when I was young.

If my kids see us apart (but both happier), isn't that better than seeing us together and miserable?

— Confused

Dear Confused: Why, at age 22, do you already have two children who will have no memory or experience of their parents being together? My first recommendation is for you to make a commitment to use birth control from now on.

You seem to imagine that as long as you are getting what you want, the other people in your life will be fine. I have news for you: This scenario really only works out for you. You aren't sad over the breakup of this relationship because you already have another girlfriend.

My most constructive feedback for you is to put your children first. Every single choice you make should be made with their best interests as your first priority. When you truly choose to see the world through their eyes, your own life will come into focus.

Dear Amy: I'm responding to the letter from "Christie," the grieving mom who lost her newly grateful son at the age of 28. My heart goes out to her. I am a 30-year-old college graduate who reads your column regularly.

People of all ages are selfish. And yes, some people in my generation have trouble being grateful for having to clean up the terrible economy, job market and environment that our parents left to us.

— Jim

Dear Jim: The world's a mess. Good luck with that. But thank you — in advance.

 

Send questions to askamy@tribune.com or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.

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