Ask Amy: Bride fears drama from maid of honor

FresnoJune 17, 2013 

Dear Amy: My girlfriend of 10 years is getting married. I'm the maid of honor in her wedding, but recent actions are hurtful and confusing.

I was invited to bring a "plus one" to the wedding. I told her I would be bringing a man I've been dating for six months whom she hasn't yet met. She called me and said she was disappointed that during her three-day bachelorette party I had taken a call from this man, gotten emotional and caused drama. She told me I could not bring him to the wedding because she feared I would cause drama.

We had a heart-to-heart talk. I told her I would never cause drama on her wedding day and that I want her to feel safe and I want to rebuild our friendship. She has held fast to her insistence that I un-invite my date. I'm hurt. It seems she doesn't respect me or my relationship. I also find it appalling that she'd ask me (or any guest) to un-invite another guest.

Is this OK? Do brides have free rein to do whatever they want to make their special day comfortable for themselves? I'm deeply hurt by how she handled this. I think I have to be the bigger person and accept it, but I'm not sure if I should stand up for myself and tell her how I feel.

— Confused maid of honor

Dear Confused: You've already stood up for yourself and have told this bride how you feel (good for you). You evidently caused some trouble during her three-day bachelorette extravaganza (three days?), but she should accept your apology and assurances.

Brides should try to ensure their own comfort on their wedding day. And as a friend and member of the bridal party, you should also put the marrying couple's comfort before your own. However, a mature person's comfort is derived in part from the happiness of her guests; this is where your friend is failing.

Yes, you must be the "bigger person" and accept this. And after the wedding is over, you can decide what to do about your friendship.

Dear Amy: Thank you so much for running the letter from "Toker," the person who admitted to a marijuana addiction of many years.

Wow. That describes me. I am nine weeks clean and taking it day by day.

— Sober

Dear Sober: There has been a large and (mainly) supportive reaction to the query from "Toker." Congratulations to you for kicking this addiction.


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