Q: Is romantic love overrated?
A: People sometimes think that if they don't have a romantic relationship then they have no love in their life. If you believe that strongly it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. This new perspective of what love is is extraordinarily hopeful and helpful.
Q: What is the most critical deficit in regard to love?
A: Technology is a huge barrier. But also, people can't experience these micromoments unless they feel safe. Loneliness and depression and anxiety are enough to make people feel unsafe when they interact with other people.
If we feel in some ways we're inferior to people, (that) is usually an illusion - there isn't some rank of who's better. And if we allow ourselves to see that and not make social comparisons, that can make us feel a lot safer and more open.
Q: How can your findings apply to marriage?
A: It takes a lot of work to keep a marriage going, people always say. But this gives you a specific focus on, what is that work? It can be planning fun things that allow you to experience these micromoments, which serve as booster shots. You do actually need to be proactive about creating opportunities to share positive emotion. It is in some ways work, but it can and should be fun.
A DAILY MICROMOMENT VITAMIN
As your day unfolds, seek out three opportunities to experience a "positivity resonance," sharing a flow of lighthearted thoughts and feelings with somebody - at home, at work or in the community, advises Barbara L. Frederickson. Offer your attention with warmth and goodwill. Create safety through eye contact or, when appropriate, touch. Later, reflect on whether you felt the oneness of positivity resonance, even to a small degree. She offers more micromoment practices and meditations in her book and at positivityresonance.com.
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W.D.
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