Enter the Warzone, Page 2 of your Sports section but No. 1 in your hearts.
-- Look, we realize Fresno State men's basketball coach Rodney Terry at this stage needs something to motivate his players.
But when the "something" you're playing for at this stage is avoiding the play-in game at the Mountain West Conference Tournament, you're in fact playing for nothing.
-- Defense and rebounding are wonderful and all, but until Terry realizes that offense isn't just something you do while waiting to go back on defense, the Bulldogs will continue to hover around the bottom of the MW standings.
-- Whenever a Fresno State football or basketball player gets suspended for "an unspecified violation of athletic department policy," you can pretty much assume he's smoking weed or not going to class.
-- SMU defensive lineman Margus Hunt, the guy who made the Bulldogs' offensive line look like a sieve in the Hawaii Bowl, bench-pressed 225 pounds 38 times and ran a 4.60 40-yard dash at the NFL combine.
At 6-foot-8 and 277 pounds, that's freakier than Lobster Boy.
-- By contrast, Fresno State tailback Robbie Rouse did not run or lift well and probably won't get drafted.
Except those tests can't measure the size of a guy's heart. Even if Rouse doesn't make the pros, he'll find success in a different field.
-- NFL teams are starting to ask prospective players if they like girls.
Not just imaginary ones, either.
-- It's been a long time -- OK, forever -- since your humble narrator was so entertained by a high school freshman point guard.
And this one just happens to be a girl. Look for big things from Immanuel High's Zoe March.
-- There's something oddly familiar about Selland Arena's ear-splitting buzzer.
Each time it goes off, we glance over at the scorer's table expecting to see Winfred Walton sub in for Terrance Roberson.
-- Brock Bond, who has two home runs in 947 plate appearances with the Fresno Grizzlies, belted his second homer of spring training.
Bond's second homer, coming against the A's, helped ignite a 007-run inning.
-- Alex Rodriguez donated only $5,090 of the $403,862 his foundation raised for charity in 2006, according to the Boston Globe.
Criminy. That's even less than Rodriguez has given to the Yankees.
-- For no particular reason: Todd Lichti
-- Dennis Rodman and North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un are "friends for life" after watching a basketball game and partying together.
Somewhere, Jane Fonda is insanely jealous.
-- The $3,000 costume of Guido, the Italian sausage of the Milwaukee Brewers' beloved sausage racing team, was returned after it had gone missing from a Wisconsin bar.
So, in other words, the casing has been solved.
If sausages were a food group, the Warzone would be even more than half Polish. Relish the thought at email@example.com
or (559) 441-6218.