Dear Amy: I work for a law firm. A couple of years ago, it came to light that one of the partners was having an affair with a firm lawyer. Both are married, and he is her supervisor.

This situation has caused no end of problems in our office as this boss has continued to favor his paramour and has given her more power over others in the firm. Morale has deteriorated to the point where longtime employees are leaving in disgust, and the firm is actually splitting into two as a result of the fallout due to the affair.

Throughout the turmoil and stress, I have turned to my best friends to vent and to mourn the loss of co-workers who have quit due to this untenable situation (or who were forced out because they knew too much).

Without exception, my friends feel that this boss's wife deserves to be told about her husband's affair with his employee. The wife is a lovely person (also a lawyer). No one wants to see her or their children hurt.

Are we being kind by keeping quiet, or are we enablers and cowards for not letting her know?

-- Torn asunder

Dear Torn: If this law partner has created professional mayhem in the law firm to the extent that the firm is no longer a firm -- but two firms -- then surely the wife (and the other lawyer's husband) must already know.

However, to answer your question, the balance of mail over the years on whether to tell the wronged spouse tips toward telling. I happen to disagree, unless the spouse is a close friend.

Rather than get involved in this personal problem, you should be concerned about the personnel problem. An employment lawyer (outside the firm) might advise former employees who have been forced out that they have a case of wrongful termination.

Dear Amy: "Perplexed" asked for ideas about what activities to do with a grandmother with Alzheimer's.

Often Alzheimer's patients respond well to visual arts. Many art museums have special tours for people with dementia.

-- Art historian and reader

Dear Historian: This is a wonderful idea. An outing spent looking at paintings and photographs could stimulate conversations and be a potent experience to share. Thank you for the suggestion.