Dear Amy: I was a first-time guest at an annual charity cocktail party and dinner.

It was a formal-dress event in a beautiful facility. A couple of hundred people were in attendance and many were overindulging at the bar. I was happy mingling and chatting with other attendees.

Just before we were seated for dinner, the wife of one of the organization's biggest movers and shakers came up to me. She leaned right into me and said in a hostile tone of voice, "Sometimes we make embarrassing mistakes in the people we invite to our get-togethers."

She was obviously the worse for wear. Still, it was so shocking. I was completely speechless.

Was she criticizing me personally? Was she repeating something she'd heard her husband say about me? Was it a case of mistaken identity? Was she just plain nuts?

I felt so hurt and humiliated, and, yes, I took it personally. I suffered through a long dinner nursing bruised feelings and wondering about her hostility. It is two weeks later, and I'm still having a hard time letting go of it.

Is there a better way to handle a public drunk? Does it matter that she (or at any rate, her husband) was "somebody" at the event?

Should I write her a note and ask her what she meant? And what else could I have done to handle myself so that the evening didn't feel like such a personal disaster for me?

-- I'm no mistake!

Dear Mistake: It is interesting that you assume this remark was intended for you. You might have been too socially anxious -- or too sober, even -- to let this rude remark slide on by. Taking it personally and then ruminating on it for two weeks is definitely not useful.

The best way to respond to baffling, unusual or drunken behavior while dressed in cocktail wear is to go with it, superficially, and be helpful until you can escape.

And so you say, "I'm not sure what you mean. Are you feeling a little warm? Can I get you a glass of ice water?"

This person has not embarrassed you, but herself. Drunk or sober, directed at you or toward another guest, her remark was rude and uncalled for.