Dear Amy: I am engaged after a two-year relationship. There is plenty to love about my fiancée, but I have a problem.

I was married previously for more than 25 years. She was single for a much longer time and had many relationships -- some serious but many not.

One of her relationships consisted of several brief sexual encounters with one guy.

I found two emails she had sent to him. In one (which she wrote months after we were in a committed and exclusive relationship) she expressed how one of their encounters was something "that others can only dream of." She said they had "a cosmic connection."

Recently, when she was out of town, she corresponded with him again.

She professed how much she missed him, said she would give anything to see him again and said if he couldn't meet her then, they could always meet up out of town for a "business trip."

When I asked her about this contact, she said she was joking and bantering. She said that if he had shown up she would have sent him straight into another room.

I want to believe all of this and move on, but I have had a hard time doing so.

This is exactly the sort of thing one reads about in your columns, and later someone like me finds out that where there is smoke there is fire.

Should I heed the smoke signals and run?

-- Trying to Believe

Dear Trying: You don't say how you "found" these emails, so I'll have to assume that she left them out in public view. I'm going to pose some questions designed to cut through the smoke and clarify things for you.

You are with someone who expresses herself as if she's in a bad romance novel. Do you like this? And, if so, does she express similar sentiments to you? Does she "joke and banter" in this way with you?

Is this sort of sexually charged expression appropriate for someone who is in an exclusive and committed relationship? Would you have this sort of contact with your ex or with another female friend?

Once you've answered these questions with utter honesty, the smoke should clear.

Dear Amy: "Lee" reported that her hairdresser acknowledged holiday gifts from clients with a Post-it note addressed to all of her customers, thanking them.

Of course all clients should be thanked individually, but I suggest this public Post-it actually has another purpose: to let her clients know that gifts are expected.

-- In the Know

Dear Know: Whoa. Crafty.