Dear Amy: My wife and I are having a conversation about how our children (ages 6 and 4) should address adults.

We agree that adults should be called Mr. or Mrs. "Smith." However, my wife has a friend who wants to be called "Ms. Sandy."

I maintain that our children should call adults by their last name, and my wife contends that they should call adults by the name they want to be called.

I think that it's confusing to young children and that the parents should have the say, and not someone else.

-- Traditional

Dear Traditional: I'm not sure what is so "confusing" about children addressing people in a variety of ways. After all, they understand that they themselves have a first name, a last name and perhaps a nickname.

If your son's name is "Jonathan" and people reflexively nickname him "Jon," doesn't he have the right to correct this and be addressed by the name he prefers?

You are teaching your children that you alone get to decide how they will address other people. This isn't a lesson in respecting others; it is about respecting you.

Your kids might have adults in their lives (Sunday school teachers, scout leaders or coaches) who, like your wife's friend, would prefer to have the kids in their group refer to them as "Amy," "Ms. Jenny" or "Coach John." If you won't permit them to respect these requests and preferences, then you paint them into a tough corner.

I agree that it is important to teach your children to respectfully address adults as Mr., Mrs., Ms. or Miss, followed by their surname.

But if they do so and the adult says, "I'd prefer it if you would call me Stanley," then they should pay attention to and respect that person's wishes. Doing this is not confusing unless you make it so.

Dear Amy: Your letter from the "Angry College Student" with roommate problems reminded me of my own.

Long ago (in the mid-1960s) I had a college roommate who had just broken up with her boyfriend. To this day, I cannot stand to hear "Chances Are" by Johnny Mathis. It played constantly for the entire term. I really don't think she ever left the room to go to class or anywhere else, for that matter.

It was a lesson in futility to say anything, but eventually the term was over and as "Chances" went, I moved to a new room and had a wonderful college dorm experience.

-- Cheryl Dear Cheryl: I have a burning need to hear from this former roommate. Did she ever recover from her heartbreak -- or is she holed up somewhere listening to Johnny Mathis on her hi-fi?