Dear Amy: My husband and I finally bought a new home after 20 years of marriage. All of the items I’d received from my bridal shower 20 years ago were either worn out or broken. We put most of our money into purchasing the house and can’t afford new things, so we hosted a housewarming party for ourselves.

When people called to R.S.V.P. and asked me what I needed, I politely told them that gifts were not expected. If pressured, I said that most of our possessions were worn out.

We invited 20 couples to the party. In return, we received 18 bottles of booze, a clock and a set of towels.

My husband didn’t mind receiving the booze, but the clock and towels were the only things I could use! Now we don’t have much to show for the money we spent.

I don’t want to complain, but I don’t think liquor is an appropriate housewarming gift. I think it’s a husband-warming gift, and the wife is left out in the cold! What do you think is appropriate?

— Worn and Torn

Dear Worn: You threw a party for yourselves that was intended as an opportunity to furnish your new home, but then you refused to give people a clear directive concerning your expectations.

If you wanted to receive specific items, you should have told your prospective guests when they inquired, “We have registered at ‘Smith Hardware’ store and would love to receive any of the items on our list — or anything else for the kitchen or bathrooms.”

When you denied that you expected gifts, you weren’t being polite, you were being obscure.

Bringing a bottle for the household to consume and/or share is the polite refuge of people who don’t quite know what else to do.

Houseplants also work for this purpose.

Dear Amy: I loved the letter from “Peter,” who was grousing about graduation invitations from obscure acquaintances.

I can go Peter one better! We got an invitation this week, and we have no idea who the graduate is! We can’t even figure out who the parents are, if “Pat” (the graduate) is male or female or if the graduation is from grammar school, high school or college. I refuse to respond; what would I say?

— Christine

Dear Christine: You should consider attending this graduation, if only to put the mystery to rest.

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