His Broadway tour debut spells out lots of fun

I have to ask the question, because it’s been drilled into my head. “Can I have a definition?” He looks at me like I’m an idiot. After I sit back down on the bleachers, the cast sings a song called “Pandemonium” about how life is random and unfair. It’s my favorite song in the show. Sometimes you get asked to spell “cow.” Sometimes you get “glaucescent.” The cast members spin the bleachers around. It’s like being on the tea-cup ride at Disneyland.

A is for “abulia.”

Alas, all good things must come to an end. Just as I’m feeling really comfortable up there on stage, I get called up to spell again. (By this time, just Ballard and I are left, Babcock having been eliminated on the word “zuuzuu.”) My word is “abulia.” It’s a psychiatric term meaning a symptom of mental disorder involving a loss of volition.

I immediately think of Ebola. So I take a chance: “e-b-u-l-i-a.”

So close. But wrong. Before I leave the stage, I get three big hugs from the “comfort counselor.” And I’m handed my runner-up prize: a juice box with a little plastic straw. The last audience member standing, Ballard, gets booted off soon afterward, but not before completely winning over the crowd. (I’m not going to reveal the way in which the show gets the audience to root for that last contestant, but when you’ve seen the show a couple of times, you realize how immensely clever it is.) And this happy, heartfelt, beautifully sung show unfolds to its touching conclusion.

As I walk to my seat, juice box in hand, I contemplate my Broadway-touring-company debut. What a blast. I’ll never forget the view from the stage, sitting directly behind a singer belting a solo as her silhouette looms in the haze of the lights. I’ll never forget dancing in front of 1,500 people and not making them cringe. And I’ll never forget how to spell “abulia.”

The columnist can be reached at dmunro@fresnobee.com or (559) 441-6373. Read his blog at fresnobeehive.com/author/donald_munro, where he has posted a photo of his beloved new juice box.