Maybe 'Dogs will get magazines

Published online on Tuesday, Oct. 06, 2009

Enter the Warzone, funnier than a certain $10 million donation.

When Fresno State athletic department officials refused to show Alphonso Bigelow's first installment check to our man George Hostetter, it only aroused suspicions.

For all we know, it was one of those checks from Publishers Clearing House.

-- Now we find out Bigelow weaseled out of a $500 pledge to Reel Pride.

If this whole affair goes belly up, Fresno State is going to look reel stupid.

-- Considering Brazil gave us the thong, it's only fitting Rio de Janeiro gets to host the 2016 Olympics.

Beach volleyball just got a lot more interesting.

-- With Chicago out of the running, Mike Ditka can stick to lighting stogies instead of torches.

-- Despite his seven interceptions, more than any WAC quarterback, Ryan Colburn isn't entirely to blame for the Bulldogs' 1-3 start.

But Colburn hasn't played well enough to relegate Derek Carr to permanent clipboard duty. The kid deserves a chance to show what he can do, as does Ebahn Feathers.

-- Listening to Pat Hill, one gets the impression he believes all 11 players on offense would trip over their own feet and lie there with legs flailing if -- gasp -- the Bulldogs rotated quarterbacks.

-- How many Vince Petruccis live around here anyway?

-- Letdown of the week: Brian Sabean and Bruce Bochy returning next season with the San Francisco Giants.

We expected more from Mr. Bowtie (aka managing general partner Bill Neukom). You'd think a high-powered corporate attorney would show a little more gumption.

-- Since returning from his 50-game suspension, Manny Ramirez is hitting .269. Last year, Manny hit .396 after being traded to the Los Angeles Dodgers.

Guess those fertility drugs really do work.

-- Weightlifting nearly killed USC's Stafon Johnson, and it also probably saved his life.

The only surprise is that accidents like Johnson's don't happen more often.

-- On media day, Stephen Jackson restated his demand for a trade while Monta Elllis told everyone within earshot that he and first-round pick Stephen Curry can't play together.

Ladies and gentlemen, your 2009-10 Golden State Warriors!

-- For no particular reason: Clifford Ray.

-- Fifty-one-year-old Ron Anderson, still playing in Europe, is the only professional basketball player with an AARP card.

-- In his new book, a former employee at a Phoenix cryonics lab writes that co-workers abused Ted Williams' frozen, severed skull by whacking it with a wrench. Why? Because a tuna can was stuck to it.

This, friends, is the kind of story that makes our head hurt.